There was a time, last week, when I felt like a complete idiot and bad mother. Then I got over it.
For part of the holiday season, we stayed with my husband’s family, also known as the In-Laws. During our stay there, I relinquished control of my family and allowed everyone, Hubby included, to run wild. It was during this time that I reached a level of lethargy I had not seen since high school. It was wonderful. But the day I felt like an idiot jolted me out of complaisance.
When you are a new parent, your world is filled with insecurities. I can recall one tear-filled evening when Ellwood was a baby of about 4 months. He had fallen asleep in his car seat and I was unsure whether I should wake him and move him to his bed (actually my bed since that is where he slept until he was 6 months old) or just leave him in his car seat. I don’t remember what I chose to do, but I know it took a call to my mother and another call to her nurse friend to make the decision. In retrospect, I wasted a lot of good sleeping time.
I got more secure as a mom when Ellwood proved himself to be a hearty child and my lack of experience did not kill him. So when a friend of mine berated me for the way I handled a situation with Ellwood, I only cried a little bit until I reminded myself that her only child was not yet at the ‘I can run away from you and you can’t catch me’ stage; which in turn meant that her sermon was purely theoretical and not yet practical.
Over the years, Hubby and I have developed a system of discipline and praise which works for us. On the discipline side, our arsenal includes, but is not limited to: the Naughty Corner, Removal of Toy/TV privilege/Desert and whatever clever ideas we can come up with. On the praise side: this is self-explanatory.
I was jolted out of my idle reverie by the fact that SIL#2 reprimanded both of my children five times in the span of about one hour. She was completely correct in most instances and did nothing that should not have been done. But I was suddenly aware of my inattention towards my kids. And I felt horrid.
My eyes were opened, though, which helped restore me to a semblance of my normal self and take back control from the usurpers. Yeah, right. The little buggers have me wrapped around their fingers and they know it.
Abstract Emoting 
Oh, we all need moments of vegging and letting others usurp away or else we just plain run out of mojo! As a fellow Mama I can say (With authority.) that you were 100% right in all instances! 🙂 LOL Have a bite of pudding for me, too! Great, honest post!
Thank you! It’s seriously reassuring to know I am not alone in letting the kids go wild. Now can anyone tell me how I’m supposed to reign them back in? They’re just a tad resistant to the idea.
You had me at ‘pudding’ – but I had to comment because just by WORRYING about whether or not you’re being a good parent puts you steadfastly in the Good Parent Column. At least in my opinion.
In fact, you’re probably better than the parents who never question their abilities but who, instead, comment on other people’s.
It’s great that you can acknowledge your SIL was mostly right (shows your willingness to be impartial and see outside yourself without getting defensive).
Now. Take a deep breath. Eat some pudding. And remember: you’re a good mom!
Thanks so much for the encouraging words. I really appreciate it. Join me in eating that pudding?
I know how you feel. I struggle sometimes with how much to discipline the kids at someone elses house. I am the disciplinarian in the family and i run a pretty tight ship. However, during vacation time i let everyone run pretty wild, myself included. So i am never sure how much to discipline when we visit. Too much and no one has any fun, not enough they never want you to come back!
So glad to know I’m not the only one! SIL#2 certainly didn’t appear to have qualms when she reprimanded the boys, but we already discussed what is allowed and not allowed when it comes to the kids. Of course, I never say anything to her kids. I just seriously don’t feel comfortable with that.