My muse

My museAh! My muse! You stand before me, dressed in gray, tattered rags, hair wild around your face, an evil smile on your lips. You smirk at my incompetence, mock my struggles. Your haze engulfs my being and drowns that part of me which strains to break free, creating a listlessness in my mind and body.

It consumes me, this laziness which keeps me from enjoying my time with the children, robs me of the energy needed to accomplish even mundane tasks. But there it is, despite all my efforts to repel it. You eat away at my resolve, hold me in place when I want to run, keep me still and silent when I want to dance and sing.

And yet, you reach a depth within me that I do not feel when I am happy, when I am satisfied. You propel me to insights I would normally not achieve because it is the only way I can cast you aside. You take the life which gives you voice. Yet you feed me, too. Without you, my creativity is stunted, my growth hindered.

I wish this were not so, my muse, my love. Leaving you behind, as I must, means leaving behind not just the pain, but also the life. The life that you offer is a half-life, not the full one I have chosen.

My muse. I see thee. I name thee…Depression.

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About Abstract Emoting

Mommy, what is it you do to make your tummy jiggly? That about sums up my life. Welcome to my blog. Enjoy your stay.
This entry was posted in Me, me, me!!! and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to My muse

  1. Wow, your post just made me think of muses in a totally different light. Usually I think of them as something youthful and happy or wise and caring. However, I have to agree with you that muses have a dark side. I really enjoyed reading the description of your experience. I can relate.

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